Tarheel Born, Tarheel Bred

So I'm back in NC this weekend, staying in a college apartment, walking around campus, hanging out at my college theater....and feeling very OLD.

I feel like my face wrinkles with every step I take on that campus, no matter how relaxed I am attempting to make it look. I half expect there to be a forcefield around the campus perimeter that keeps me out every time I try to get through. Forcefield says "Nope, sorry, you've moved on so DONT COME BACK"

I know I'm being silly. I don't actually think I look any different than I did as a freshman. And I used to make fun of my friends who had graduated and then complained about how "old" they were. They seemed young enough to me. To me, it seemed as if nothing were really different. But they felt it. And now I do too.

This whole town is so familiar, yet so far away. My body knows the paths and the sights so well, I don't even have to look. But when I do, I notice small subtle changes that break my heart. The world is changing without my noticing because I"M NOT HERE.

And I don't want to be, obviously. I love NYC and I'm doing great there. It took a long time for it to feel like home and I'm not leaving anytime soon. But as Reese Witherspoon said in that movies, "I come down here, and this fits too." Only it fits like something that was in the dryer too long. It's the same sweater as always, on the same body as always, but it's just a little more uncomfortable than the last time i put it on.

and that's NC to me.