Strippers

So I saw Rock of Ages on Broadway for the second time the other night. As previously mentioned, I'm under a contractual obligation not to discuss my opinions on shows online. However, I think it's pretty obvious that if I went twice, I must have enjoyed it the first time. And that's all I will say about that.

Any show you watch a second time, you have more of an opportunity to muse about because you already know what's happening. So I got to thinking: most of the women in the cast spend the show scantily clad, dancing on stripper poles. They are "playing" strippers. But what, really, is the difference between an actress and a stripper?? Most strippers ARE looking for a "legit" career in the arts. And most women with a "legit" career in the arts really enjoy playing strippers. Why? Because somehow there's no shame in PLAYING a stripper, especially if you are "really" a Broadway actress.

The women on that stage dress in lingerie, strip, and pole dance. And they get a paycheck for it. How is that not the same as stripping? Is it because it serves a plotline? Because they sing also? Or just because we, as a society, choose to stigmatize certain occupations and glorify other ones?

I tend to think it's the latter.

And, honestly, I don't really have a PROBLEM with strippers. If that's what you want to do and it pays the bills, it's really not my problem. But it's a little effed up to be disrespected generally for that decision where the broadway strippers are idolized. I really don't see a difference between the two.

therapy doesn't work

so i'm paying out of my ass for all this therapy to make myself a more...i dunno...happy? person.

it's not working.

See, I get to this place where I can notice all this repeating destructive patterns in my life, only I'm not STOPPING them. I keep doing the same stupid thing over and over. The difference now is that i can see how it's the same mistake again. So in addition to feeling shitty, I also feel STUPID.

that's all therapy really does.

i think it's better to be ignorant about your own behavior. yup. just DO it and don't think about it and you will be fine. All this "enlightenment" bullshit is a waste of time.

Tarheel Born, Tarheel Bred

So I'm back in NC this weekend, staying in a college apartment, walking around campus, hanging out at my college theater....and feeling very OLD.

I feel like my face wrinkles with every step I take on that campus, no matter how relaxed I am attempting to make it look. I half expect there to be a forcefield around the campus perimeter that keeps me out every time I try to get through. Forcefield says "Nope, sorry, you've moved on so DONT COME BACK"

I know I'm being silly. I don't actually think I look any different than I did as a freshman. And I used to make fun of my friends who had graduated and then complained about how "old" they were. They seemed young enough to me. To me, it seemed as if nothing were really different. But they felt it. And now I do too.

This whole town is so familiar, yet so far away. My body knows the paths and the sights so well, I don't even have to look. But when I do, I notice small subtle changes that break my heart. The world is changing without my noticing because I"M NOT HERE.

And I don't want to be, obviously. I love NYC and I'm doing great there. It took a long time for it to feel like home and I'm not leaving anytime soon. But as Reese Witherspoon said in that movies, "I come down here, and this fits too." Only it fits like something that was in the dryer too long. It's the same sweater as always, on the same body as always, but it's just a little more uncomfortable than the last time i put it on.

and that's NC to me.