I feel like all the women around me are in heat. I cannot tell you the number of women who have expressed to me a desire for a man in their lives right now if they don't have one. It's very strange. I mean, you could understand it before Valentine's Day I suppose since many single women feel pressure to be in love on that day. But we're past it. Summer is around the corner, which is traditionally a great time to be single, and yet a myriad of women are desperate for a carnal and/or romantic connection. I wonder why that is.
Astrology is a take it or leave it thing for me. I do believe I am a LEO all the way, but a lot of people don't match their signs and whatnot. And horoscopes are more often wrong than right. But if you are telling me that there isn't something astrological that affects us, especially as women, you are way wrong. Working in a bridal shop taught me to pay attention to the moon. Full moon days meant I would have nothing but crazy customers. And there are certain periods of time where I felt like either everyone was breaking up or everyone was getting together. It happens in tides. And it isn't necessarily seasonal.
You'd expect that people get cabin fever in the winter and wish for someone to cuddle. But the trends, if I had written them down, don't follow weather as much as you would think. There's some cosmic thing that must be happening. And currently, the cosmos is making women all a little randy and needy. Take notice, men! If you are in the market for a girlfriend, now's the time to pounce.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Cigarette Men
Bad men are to your heart what cigarettes are to your lungs.
That's it. That's the whole truth. There's something forbiddenly tempting about them but they kill you, slowly, all the while aging you. They are more tempting when you are drinking, and less so when you are at the gym, feeling healthy and good about yourself. They tend to be addicting, even though those close to you warn you repeatedly how dangerous they are. They appeal the most to people with an oral fixation.
The most difficult thing is quitting. When you try, something drags you back. Even though you are healthier, more independent, more attractive, etc. There's a piece of you that NEEDS that taboo infusion of coolness and adulthood.
but I have quit smoking both literally and metaphorically. So - GOOD MEN ONLY NEED APPLY. This here is a smart, cool, non-smoking chick with a talent for cooking and dancing.
That's it. That's the whole truth. There's something forbiddenly tempting about them but they kill you, slowly, all the while aging you. They are more tempting when you are drinking, and less so when you are at the gym, feeling healthy and good about yourself. They tend to be addicting, even though those close to you warn you repeatedly how dangerous they are. They appeal the most to people with an oral fixation.
The most difficult thing is quitting. When you try, something drags you back. Even though you are healthier, more independent, more attractive, etc. There's a piece of you that NEEDS that taboo infusion of coolness and adulthood.
but I have quit smoking both literally and metaphorically. So - GOOD MEN ONLY NEED APPLY. This here is a smart, cool, non-smoking chick with a talent for cooking and dancing.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
LOL
When people who are either dating you or are interested in dating you choose IM as a method of communication, they should be aware of a few things.
1. DO NOT use the following abbreviations more than twice: lol, rofl, omg, idk. Each of these proves that you are stupid, immature, lazy, or all three. Which, if I am dating you, makes me reconsider. Because I do not want a mate who is any of those things. How hard is it to type out real words? Really.
2. A good transition into cyber sex does NOT begin with "cyber sex?" In the real world, have you found any person willing to sleep with you after hearing the phrase "wanna fuck?" Although there really isn't such a thing as 'cyber making love' and no one can claim that action as the least bit romantic, there is still a sexy way to initiate it and a gross way. Asking for it straight out is gross.
3. If I take a minute or two to respond, PLEASE do not type the requisite "?" It is pushy and presumptive. Maybe I was in the bathroom. Or grabbing something out of the oven. Maybe I received a phone call. MAYBE, just MAYBE your ridiculous IM is not the most important thing in my life. The "?" is offensive. I will respond when and if I choose. Do not rush me.
4. Suggesting a date over IM is uncool. Really. I'm no traditionalist. I don't wish for love letters, flowers, or even the man to pick up the check. But I do think that a TYPED (email, text, or IM) date suggestion is mega lame. Call me. Seriously. If you expect me to give up a night to spend with just you, I expect you to give up 3 minutes to call me up and ask me for it. I certainly call YOU when I have a date suggestion.
5. Emoticons are gay. And I NEVER use the word gay in a derogatory manner unless it is REALLY called for. If you feel that your tone cannot be properly expressed by IM, then...oh, right. CALL ME. Or figure out a way to express yourself with your words. As a playwright, I can assure you that tone can always be determined by words alone. If I wrote a script full of emoticons, it would never get produced.
1. DO NOT use the following abbreviations more than twice: lol, rofl, omg, idk. Each of these proves that you are stupid, immature, lazy, or all three. Which, if I am dating you, makes me reconsider. Because I do not want a mate who is any of those things. How hard is it to type out real words? Really.
2. A good transition into cyber sex does NOT begin with "cyber sex?" In the real world, have you found any person willing to sleep with you after hearing the phrase "wanna fuck?" Although there really isn't such a thing as 'cyber making love' and no one can claim that action as the least bit romantic, there is still a sexy way to initiate it and a gross way. Asking for it straight out is gross.
3. If I take a minute or two to respond, PLEASE do not type the requisite "?" It is pushy and presumptive. Maybe I was in the bathroom. Or grabbing something out of the oven. Maybe I received a phone call. MAYBE, just MAYBE your ridiculous IM is not the most important thing in my life. The "?" is offensive. I will respond when and if I choose. Do not rush me.
4. Suggesting a date over IM is uncool. Really. I'm no traditionalist. I don't wish for love letters, flowers, or even the man to pick up the check. But I do think that a TYPED (email, text, or IM) date suggestion is mega lame. Call me. Seriously. If you expect me to give up a night to spend with just you, I expect you to give up 3 minutes to call me up and ask me for it. I certainly call YOU when I have a date suggestion.
5. Emoticons are gay. And I NEVER use the word gay in a derogatory manner unless it is REALLY called for. If you feel that your tone cannot be properly expressed by IM, then...oh, right. CALL ME. Or figure out a way to express yourself with your words. As a playwright, I can assure you that tone can always be determined by words alone. If I wrote a script full of emoticons, it would never get produced.
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