Tuesday, September 29, 2009

stop fucking with my home

Ok so I have to say this whole NYC dating thing is getting annoying. I never had this problem in NC, but maybe that's because I lived mostly in dorm rooms.

WHY do men think that "make yourself at home" means it literally?? And for the record, I've never ACTUALLY said that phrase to anyone because the truth is that I don't WANT people to make themselves at home in my home. It's MY home. You see?

So if you're into energy conservation, great. Turn all your appliances off in YOUR home. Don't run around MY home turning off my fan (which i have to leave on because otherwise my apt gets way too hot and stuffy) or my lamp (which i have to leave on cuz otherwise my cats sleep all day and stay up all night. bad for me).

If you like to put your feet up on your couch, FINE. But see, in MY house when we are sitting on MY couch, there isn't room for your feet. And that DOESN'T mean they belong on my lap. FUCK NO.

If there is a special show you watch at 11pm each night, awesome. Watch it in YOUR house. In my house, we watch Daily Show at 11pm. DO NOT take my fucking remote. You will lose a hand. And probably your testicles.

And if you like to sleep until 2pm, by all means, stay in YOUR bed until 2pm. In my life, I never have the opportunity to sleep past 10am, so guess what? Your ass is leaving by 10am. And PLEASE don't act like a child when I wake you up. You could have left last night. I, personally, would have preferred that. You wanna stay the night? Play by my rules!

OHH, and one more thing: the temperature in my apartment, insomuch as i CAN control it, will be what makes ME comfortable. You are the guest. YOU adjust.

all of this probably explains why I am currently single, but truthfully I'd MUCH rather be single than constantly compromising with a douchebag who really has no right to stake claims on my space.

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