whipped cream - NOT a dirty post

So when a girl is single in NYC (oh god how Carrie Bradshaw is that statement!), she learns very quickly that the tried and true cure to heartache - ice cream - must have a substitute. After all, too much ice cream will simply ensure that there won't be even the opportunity for heartache in the future. Very important to find a low-calorie alternative.

behold cool whip in a can!! 5 calories per serving (about 200 per can) and the same glutonous effect.

I have to admit: it's on my shopping list more weeks than not. Very sad. Also very yummy.

I will know when I have found someone worth loving when he removes all whipped cream cravings from me. Until then, I am considering buying stock - that way I can consider my indulgence an investment.

and the WORST date award goes to...

so it's no secret I do the online dating thing; I mean, who doesn't? It serves up a really interesting bunch of people and some of the craziest experiences of my life. Very entertaining stuff. Also, if you read this blog, you know i have HARD SET rules about who I talk to and who I go out with. I developed these rules for a reason.

This week I broke them. And I realized how smart I am haha.

So this guy starts talking to me online. He seems GREAT! We have so much in common - I won't reveal too much about him because that would be cruel. But all of my crazy, strange interests are HIS too. One of my favorite books - which no one has ever heard of - is one of his. BUT...he has only one picture and it's blurry and ONLY of the face. Bad bad bad. But then he asked me to karaoke at my favorite place. Too much - can't resist - have to break the rules and go.

He shows up - omg. Cable knit sweater, icky haircut, Urkle glasses. AWFUL. We go inside. I'm kind of a VIP in this place so immediately the manager comes over and hugs me and all the regulars are greeting me. They immediately hand me the mic and ask what I wanna sing; the Boy looks at me with PANIC in his eyes. "can't we get a room? I can't sing in front of all these people." WHAT?! There are 10 people in the room. They're fun. They're my friends. But away we go to a secluded room by ourselves.

"ok, i have a lot to get off my chest. through song" He says. Then he sings UNCHAINED MELODY. Really. not lying. That was his first song. He didn't even let me go first and I paid for the room! And...well, he CANT sing. At all. And he "disguises" this by screaming words loudly. He's also dancing awkwardly....really awkwardly....

Then i get up to sing. My Alanis. My awesome girl rock. HE SINGS OVER ME! DURING MY SONG. He's literally out-screaming me. WTF?! I don't know how many of you sing karaoke but I'm very serious about it. And the NUMBER ONE rule is: you do NOT attempt to hijack another's singer's moment.

I quickly discover the only way to keep him from singing my songs is to sing obscure Broadway songs. So I do. And I don't give a shit. And he keeps choosing TERRIBLE songs and singing them badly. Meanwhile, I am knockin back shots of Sake like it's my job because it's the only way to keep going. And the sad thing is: I actually think HE thought it was going well because I was smiling so much (as I was holding back laughter). When the hour on our room was finally up (and I counted down every minute), he wanted to do ANOTHER hour and then get something to eat! I felt bad for the guy, but that's certainly no reason to continue a bad date.

So I got rid of him. And then JoBeth met me and we salvaged the evening by doing awesome karaoke at a different place hahaha.

Strippers

So I saw Rock of Ages on Broadway for the second time the other night. As previously mentioned, I'm under a contractual obligation not to discuss my opinions on shows online. However, I think it's pretty obvious that if I went twice, I must have enjoyed it the first time. And that's all I will say about that.

Any show you watch a second time, you have more of an opportunity to muse about because you already know what's happening. So I got to thinking: most of the women in the cast spend the show scantily clad, dancing on stripper poles. They are "playing" strippers. But what, really, is the difference between an actress and a stripper?? Most strippers ARE looking for a "legit" career in the arts. And most women with a "legit" career in the arts really enjoy playing strippers. Why? Because somehow there's no shame in PLAYING a stripper, especially if you are "really" a Broadway actress.

The women on that stage dress in lingerie, strip, and pole dance. And they get a paycheck for it. How is that not the same as stripping? Is it because it serves a plotline? Because they sing also? Or just because we, as a society, choose to stigmatize certain occupations and glorify other ones?

I tend to think it's the latter.

And, honestly, I don't really have a PROBLEM with strippers. If that's what you want to do and it pays the bills, it's really not my problem. But it's a little effed up to be disrespected generally for that decision where the broadway strippers are idolized. I really don't see a difference between the two.

therapy doesn't work

so i'm paying out of my ass for all this therapy to make myself a more...i dunno...happy? person.

it's not working.

See, I get to this place where I can notice all this repeating destructive patterns in my life, only I'm not STOPPING them. I keep doing the same stupid thing over and over. The difference now is that i can see how it's the same mistake again. So in addition to feeling shitty, I also feel STUPID.

that's all therapy really does.

i think it's better to be ignorant about your own behavior. yup. just DO it and don't think about it and you will be fine. All this "enlightenment" bullshit is a waste of time.

Tarheel Born, Tarheel Bred

So I'm back in NC this weekend, staying in a college apartment, walking around campus, hanging out at my college theater....and feeling very OLD.

I feel like my face wrinkles with every step I take on that campus, no matter how relaxed I am attempting to make it look. I half expect there to be a forcefield around the campus perimeter that keeps me out every time I try to get through. Forcefield says "Nope, sorry, you've moved on so DONT COME BACK"

I know I'm being silly. I don't actually think I look any different than I did as a freshman. And I used to make fun of my friends who had graduated and then complained about how "old" they were. They seemed young enough to me. To me, it seemed as if nothing were really different. But they felt it. And now I do too.

This whole town is so familiar, yet so far away. My body knows the paths and the sights so well, I don't even have to look. But when I do, I notice small subtle changes that break my heart. The world is changing without my noticing because I"M NOT HERE.

And I don't want to be, obviously. I love NYC and I'm doing great there. It took a long time for it to feel like home and I'm not leaving anytime soon. But as Reese Witherspoon said in that movies, "I come down here, and this fits too." Only it fits like something that was in the dryer too long. It's the same sweater as always, on the same body as always, but it's just a little more uncomfortable than the last time i put it on.

and that's NC to me.

MAD

I'm mad that men think it's ok to wake a woman from her sleep by beating her mercilessly

I'm mad that everyone comments about how "deserving" a woman is of a beating, even if they are saying she is UNdeserving. Any comment about MERIT is a step in the wrong direction.

I'm mad that love fucks with our heads so much we cannot even protect ourselves from its harmful side effects

I'm mad that the "rescuers" of an abused woman are big, burly, rude men with guns that we call cops.

I'm mad that economics contributes to violence.

I'm mad that ANYONE is concerned about keeping violence quiet at the risk of "worrying" other people. No one should EVER be silent about violence.

I'm mad that injuries are kept hidden under turtlenecks and sleeves and excuses when the whole world SHOULD be forced to witness what happens on a daily basis to women around the world.

I'm mad that women are brought up believing any attack was provoked by their bad behavior

I'm mad that men who don't beat women call men who do COWARDS instead of criminals. Coward is only an insult that belittles a man's masculinity, the assertion of which was the problem to begin with.

I'm mad that I can't take all survivors of abuse/rape/oppression to an island free from such things where we can heal and grow and love and trust



EVERY DAY that we see a woman beaten or raped is a day we FAIL as a human race. Which means that we have not succeeded ONE day of our existence as a species.
And that makes me MAD.

about STRAWS

So this is a New York thing...well, maybe it's more broad than that, but it's CERTAINLY not a NC thing and that's my comparison.

Every time I buy a bottle or can of some drink, I am given a straw. It used to be that I didn't take much notice but I mentioned it to someone at work and she was AMAZED that I would question such a thing. She explained that one day, her husband caught her drinking straight from a can and he smacked the can out of her hand.

Everyone agreed that I was the weird one for NOT using a straw with a can. As they see it, there are countless germs on the top of a can of soda. If you put your mouth on these germs, you are crazy. That's what the straw is for.

Ok, I'm with you. BUT...did you ever realize that the germs you are so scared of are on the tab of the drink...the tab that you push INTO the drink?

Additionally, let's be real about something: there are germs ALL over the can. Not just on the lip. And your HAND is on that can. Do you wash your hands right after touching the can? The money you paid for the can with? Money is horribly dirty. So is that can (at least according to you). And all those germs are on your hands. Now what? You rub your eyes. Eat some french fries. Bite your fingernails.

People only really wash their hands after using the bathroom. SOMETIMES before they eat. But honestly, even people who wash their hands before they eat actually only wash them before a MEAL. And meals are generally eaten with utensils. Nobody washes their hands before snacking and snacking is usually done with hands.

I'm not suggesting we all bathe in germs, but let's have a little perspective. The straw is NOT doing anything. And for that matter, neither does RINSING fruit. I will never understand why people rinse fruit under water for 10 seconds before eating it. It does NOTHING. I promise.