These people drive me completely crazy. Obviously, we have glorified the images of hippies from the 70s, perhaps fairly or perhaps not, but these cooky modern-day hippies should retreat back into the slime from which they were spawned. New York is crawling with them. They are dirty, smelly, unwashed, dreadlock and hemp wearing weirdos. They ride bikes and eat out of trash cans, proclaiming that Americans are evil for throwing out enough food to feed all the hungry in the world. They play bongo drums and sit in doorways, begging for money. But if they love the environment so much, why are they spending time in NYC??? It's a metropolis. You should be living in a shack on Walden pond, right? that would make sense. Self sufficiency is ACTUALLY natural. Not sitting and begging for money.
And you know what REALLY pisses me off? They all have cell phones. And usually Ipods. Don't talk about evil American consumerism and waste, pretending to promote "Nature" and earthliness, and then CHAT on a cell phone! Live it or don't, I don't care, but stop with the hypocrisy. I will NEVER give money to the travelling hippie who wants to pay a cell phone bill. Puh-lease. Nature or technology, take your pick. Being Natural requires hard labor, being technological requires a stable job that pays money. PICK ONE. And leave me alone.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
AND....a trick for women
Hair. Seriously. If you run your fingers through a man's hair, he is yours. That's the whole secret. Find a reason to do it - but definitely do it. If you want a man to kiss you and he just won't quite make the move, run your fingers through his hair. Done. making out in no time. Want him to relax so you can get the truth out of him? Head massage. Before kissing, after years of a relationship, or (and most especially) during sex: best move ever. That's all.
you're welcome.
PS - use this SPARINGLY. see, the whole reason it works is that men have super sensitive nerves on their heads because they don't spend hours brushing, curling, blowing, straightening, coloring, etc like we do. We've killed our nerve endings. They haven't. But if you do this often, you will desensitize them. Then you'll have to find something else.
you're welcome.
PS - use this SPARINGLY. see, the whole reason it works is that men have super sensitive nerves on their heads because they don't spend hours brushing, curling, blowing, straightening, coloring, etc like we do. We've killed our nerve endings. They haven't. But if you do this often, you will desensitize them. Then you'll have to find something else.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Eye Contact
Men, I'm giving you the key. Really. Because I figured out how you can get any girl to fall in love with you after much careful study and research and...oh, fine, just my own stupid experience. EYE CONTACT. It's amazing. When the girl talks, look deeply into her eyes. Smile. That's it. That's the whole trick. Seems simple? It is!!
Just remember NOT to do that when she isn't talking. If she's talking to her friend and you are staring deeply into her eyes, that's a bad thing. Creepy. Stalker. Weirdo. But if she's talking to you and you make it seem like it's the most important thing in the world, she'll be hooked.
One of my loves never looked at me when I talked. He would always say "honey, I know what you look like. I'm listening. But I do that with my ears. I'm using my eyes to see everything else around." That's good logic, honestly. But it sucks. And prolly why it didn't work out.
By looking in a girl's eyes, you are telling her that SHE is not only the most important thing in the room, but the most imaginably important thing in the room. She will feel like you are desperate to know more, like you can see straight through her walls.
This works in bed, too. You want a girl to think you're good in bed?? Forget all your tricks and training. Just look at her. Soooooo simple. If she feels like you aren't just fucking to fuck - and that you want HER....well, that's it. You're fabulous. You can have her anytime you want. This is why any position where eye contact is impossible or uncomfortable is a terrible idea on the first couple go-rounds.
And you want to know what sucks? Even though i KNOW this now, I still fall for it every time. Meet a guy on the train and he stares deeply into my eyes? HOOKED. Meet a guy at a bar and he stares deeply into my eyes? LET's GO! A friend from school who grabs me in the hallway and stares deeply into my eyes? OMFG SOULMATE.
Don't worry, women, there's a secret for you, too. I'll post that next time ;)
Just remember NOT to do that when she isn't talking. If she's talking to her friend and you are staring deeply into her eyes, that's a bad thing. Creepy. Stalker. Weirdo. But if she's talking to you and you make it seem like it's the most important thing in the world, she'll be hooked.
One of my loves never looked at me when I talked. He would always say "honey, I know what you look like. I'm listening. But I do that with my ears. I'm using my eyes to see everything else around." That's good logic, honestly. But it sucks. And prolly why it didn't work out.
By looking in a girl's eyes, you are telling her that SHE is not only the most important thing in the room, but the most imaginably important thing in the room. She will feel like you are desperate to know more, like you can see straight through her walls.
This works in bed, too. You want a girl to think you're good in bed?? Forget all your tricks and training. Just look at her. Soooooo simple. If she feels like you aren't just fucking to fuck - and that you want HER....well, that's it. You're fabulous. You can have her anytime you want. This is why any position where eye contact is impossible or uncomfortable is a terrible idea on the first couple go-rounds.
And you want to know what sucks? Even though i KNOW this now, I still fall for it every time. Meet a guy on the train and he stares deeply into my eyes? HOOKED. Meet a guy at a bar and he stares deeply into my eyes? LET's GO! A friend from school who grabs me in the hallway and stares deeply into my eyes? OMFG SOULMATE.
Don't worry, women, there's a secret for you, too. I'll post that next time ;)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Growing Up...is hard to do
It's hard to argue against the fact that young folk (note the sarcasting usage of that description) seem devastatingly attracted to DRAMA. Sometimes in friendships and family dynamics, and ALWAYS in relationships. It's the guy who doesn't call when he says he will, but then finally does, but then sends mixed signals, but then kisses you, but then dumps you, but then says he can't live without you....well, you know the story. He's the one who gets your attention. We have ALL been there. On both sides of the equation - sometimes we are thrown hither and thither and sometimes we do the throwing. It's always more noticeable BEING thrown than throwing. Sadly.
ANYWAYS...the prevelent theory is that at some point in our lives, we reach a stage where we grow up and decide to "settle down." No more drama, no more craziness, no more irrationality. Just basic love. Inside a day-to-day routine. Occassionally shaken up by Hallmark produced holidays like Valentine's Day.
So which is better? The butterflies? The stability?
I have gotten to a point where I am convinced that what I really want is stability. I am not looking to get married, but I will not waste time and energy I do not have on the losers who only want to cause drama. I need someone honest, responsible, financially secure, educated, etc.
But then the "drama situation" throws a text my way. Or many. And I sink back into the sea of insecurity, intrigue, manipulation, sexy irresponsibility....
Catch me, I'm falling. Catch me, I'm falling. Catch me, I'm falling.
ANYWAYS...the prevelent theory is that at some point in our lives, we reach a stage where we grow up and decide to "settle down." No more drama, no more craziness, no more irrationality. Just basic love. Inside a day-to-day routine. Occassionally shaken up by Hallmark produced holidays like Valentine's Day.
So which is better? The butterflies? The stability?
I have gotten to a point where I am convinced that what I really want is stability. I am not looking to get married, but I will not waste time and energy I do not have on the losers who only want to cause drama. I need someone honest, responsible, financially secure, educated, etc.
But then the "drama situation" throws a text my way. Or many. And I sink back into the sea of insecurity, intrigue, manipulation, sexy irresponsibility....
Catch me, I'm falling. Catch me, I'm falling. Catch me, I'm falling.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
What is the deal with February?
I feel like all the women around me are in heat. I cannot tell you the number of women who have expressed to me a desire for a man in their lives right now if they don't have one. It's very strange. I mean, you could understand it before Valentine's Day I suppose since many single women feel pressure to be in love on that day. But we're past it. Summer is around the corner, which is traditionally a great time to be single, and yet a myriad of women are desperate for a carnal and/or romantic connection. I wonder why that is.
Astrology is a take it or leave it thing for me. I do believe I am a LEO all the way, but a lot of people don't match their signs and whatnot. And horoscopes are more often wrong than right. But if you are telling me that there isn't something astrological that affects us, especially as women, you are way wrong. Working in a bridal shop taught me to pay attention to the moon. Full moon days meant I would have nothing but crazy customers. And there are certain periods of time where I felt like either everyone was breaking up or everyone was getting together. It happens in tides. And it isn't necessarily seasonal.
You'd expect that people get cabin fever in the winter and wish for someone to cuddle. But the trends, if I had written them down, don't follow weather as much as you would think. There's some cosmic thing that must be happening. And currently, the cosmos is making women all a little randy and needy. Take notice, men! If you are in the market for a girlfriend, now's the time to pounce.
Astrology is a take it or leave it thing for me. I do believe I am a LEO all the way, but a lot of people don't match their signs and whatnot. And horoscopes are more often wrong than right. But if you are telling me that there isn't something astrological that affects us, especially as women, you are way wrong. Working in a bridal shop taught me to pay attention to the moon. Full moon days meant I would have nothing but crazy customers. And there are certain periods of time where I felt like either everyone was breaking up or everyone was getting together. It happens in tides. And it isn't necessarily seasonal.
You'd expect that people get cabin fever in the winter and wish for someone to cuddle. But the trends, if I had written them down, don't follow weather as much as you would think. There's some cosmic thing that must be happening. And currently, the cosmos is making women all a little randy and needy. Take notice, men! If you are in the market for a girlfriend, now's the time to pounce.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Cigarette Men
Bad men are to your heart what cigarettes are to your lungs.
That's it. That's the whole truth. There's something forbiddenly tempting about them but they kill you, slowly, all the while aging you. They are more tempting when you are drinking, and less so when you are at the gym, feeling healthy and good about yourself. They tend to be addicting, even though those close to you warn you repeatedly how dangerous they are. They appeal the most to people with an oral fixation.
The most difficult thing is quitting. When you try, something drags you back. Even though you are healthier, more independent, more attractive, etc. There's a piece of you that NEEDS that taboo infusion of coolness and adulthood.
but I have quit smoking both literally and metaphorically. So - GOOD MEN ONLY NEED APPLY. This here is a smart, cool, non-smoking chick with a talent for cooking and dancing.
That's it. That's the whole truth. There's something forbiddenly tempting about them but they kill you, slowly, all the while aging you. They are more tempting when you are drinking, and less so when you are at the gym, feeling healthy and good about yourself. They tend to be addicting, even though those close to you warn you repeatedly how dangerous they are. They appeal the most to people with an oral fixation.
The most difficult thing is quitting. When you try, something drags you back. Even though you are healthier, more independent, more attractive, etc. There's a piece of you that NEEDS that taboo infusion of coolness and adulthood.
but I have quit smoking both literally and metaphorically. So - GOOD MEN ONLY NEED APPLY. This here is a smart, cool, non-smoking chick with a talent for cooking and dancing.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
LOL
When people who are either dating you or are interested in dating you choose IM as a method of communication, they should be aware of a few things.
1. DO NOT use the following abbreviations more than twice: lol, rofl, omg, idk. Each of these proves that you are stupid, immature, lazy, or all three. Which, if I am dating you, makes me reconsider. Because I do not want a mate who is any of those things. How hard is it to type out real words? Really.
2. A good transition into cyber sex does NOT begin with "cyber sex?" In the real world, have you found any person willing to sleep with you after hearing the phrase "wanna fuck?" Although there really isn't such a thing as 'cyber making love' and no one can claim that action as the least bit romantic, there is still a sexy way to initiate it and a gross way. Asking for it straight out is gross.
3. If I take a minute or two to respond, PLEASE do not type the requisite "?" It is pushy and presumptive. Maybe I was in the bathroom. Or grabbing something out of the oven. Maybe I received a phone call. MAYBE, just MAYBE your ridiculous IM is not the most important thing in my life. The "?" is offensive. I will respond when and if I choose. Do not rush me.
4. Suggesting a date over IM is uncool. Really. I'm no traditionalist. I don't wish for love letters, flowers, or even the man to pick up the check. But I do think that a TYPED (email, text, or IM) date suggestion is mega lame. Call me. Seriously. If you expect me to give up a night to spend with just you, I expect you to give up 3 minutes to call me up and ask me for it. I certainly call YOU when I have a date suggestion.
5. Emoticons are gay. And I NEVER use the word gay in a derogatory manner unless it is REALLY called for. If you feel that your tone cannot be properly expressed by IM, then...oh, right. CALL ME. Or figure out a way to express yourself with your words. As a playwright, I can assure you that tone can always be determined by words alone. If I wrote a script full of emoticons, it would never get produced.
1. DO NOT use the following abbreviations more than twice: lol, rofl, omg, idk. Each of these proves that you are stupid, immature, lazy, or all three. Which, if I am dating you, makes me reconsider. Because I do not want a mate who is any of those things. How hard is it to type out real words? Really.
2. A good transition into cyber sex does NOT begin with "cyber sex?" In the real world, have you found any person willing to sleep with you after hearing the phrase "wanna fuck?" Although there really isn't such a thing as 'cyber making love' and no one can claim that action as the least bit romantic, there is still a sexy way to initiate it and a gross way. Asking for it straight out is gross.
3. If I take a minute or two to respond, PLEASE do not type the requisite "?" It is pushy and presumptive. Maybe I was in the bathroom. Or grabbing something out of the oven. Maybe I received a phone call. MAYBE, just MAYBE your ridiculous IM is not the most important thing in my life. The "?" is offensive. I will respond when and if I choose. Do not rush me.
4. Suggesting a date over IM is uncool. Really. I'm no traditionalist. I don't wish for love letters, flowers, or even the man to pick up the check. But I do think that a TYPED (email, text, or IM) date suggestion is mega lame. Call me. Seriously. If you expect me to give up a night to spend with just you, I expect you to give up 3 minutes to call me up and ask me for it. I certainly call YOU when I have a date suggestion.
5. Emoticons are gay. And I NEVER use the word gay in a derogatory manner unless it is REALLY called for. If you feel that your tone cannot be properly expressed by IM, then...oh, right. CALL ME. Or figure out a way to express yourself with your words. As a playwright, I can assure you that tone can always be determined by words alone. If I wrote a script full of emoticons, it would never get produced.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Pick up lines
We all know the dumb ones "I lost my number, can I have yours?" and "Are you tired? Cuz you've been running through my mind all day" and etc. I don't know if people really use these. I've never heard very many used sincerely, that's for sure. However, the one that continues to be used, though it is no better than the others is "Do you like to party?"
Now, when I was 18, I think it bordered on acceptable to ask me that. I mean - it's never the best thing to say. Certainly long, meaningful relationships don't begin with the phrase 'do ya like to party?' but nevertheless, there is a time, an age, and a place where such a saying can be spoken.
But beyond that awkward party-all-the-time-to-prove-I'm-an-adult phase, that line is just purely insulting. The other night, a semi-cute semi-smart man that I was semi-interested in said that to me. Me who is 23. Me who is 3 months shy of having a master's degree. Maybe I'm being self-important but COME ON! I am worth so much more than that phrase. DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY? Really, dude, really??
And then, to add insult to injury, he followed that line with "we should chill later." WHO ARE YOU? What world are you living in that a woman would actually decide based on these phrases to spend quality time with you? Is it really so hard to say "I know this fabulous little Italian place. I would love to take you there for dinner sometime if you happen to be free."
You wouldn't walk into a job interview and say "yo, how bout hirin' me?" And you DON'T ask a potential date to "chill." At least, not if that potential date is ME.
Now, when I was 18, I think it bordered on acceptable to ask me that. I mean - it's never the best thing to say. Certainly long, meaningful relationships don't begin with the phrase 'do ya like to party?' but nevertheless, there is a time, an age, and a place where such a saying can be spoken.
But beyond that awkward party-all-the-time-to-prove-I'm-an-adult phase, that line is just purely insulting. The other night, a semi-cute semi-smart man that I was semi-interested in said that to me. Me who is 23. Me who is 3 months shy of having a master's degree. Maybe I'm being self-important but COME ON! I am worth so much more than that phrase. DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY? Really, dude, really??
And then, to add insult to injury, he followed that line with "we should chill later." WHO ARE YOU? What world are you living in that a woman would actually decide based on these phrases to spend quality time with you? Is it really so hard to say "I know this fabulous little Italian place. I would love to take you there for dinner sometime if you happen to be free."
You wouldn't walk into a job interview and say "yo, how bout hirin' me?" And you DON'T ask a potential date to "chill." At least, not if that potential date is ME.
Monday, January 18, 2010
the dating 5
So I have long believed that everyone's best friend should get together with the person they have started dating and explain the "rules" about dating that person. Because who knows better than your best friend?
Basically all people have about 5 "dealbreakers" and if you let these out on the first date, you could avoid a lot of pitfalls. However, it is somehow uncouth to express these in plain words. I don't know why.
My 5 rules - and anyone who knows me understands these - are
1. DON'T ever shush me. I am loud. I don't care. DON'T shush me.
2. Do not comment on my height. I'm tall and that can't change so shut up about it and don't make me feel like a freak.
3. Don't insult my art. Musical theater is beautiful and complicated and it is the TRUE love of my life. You will never come before it so just respect it.
4. Don't make me wait. I don't wait. I'm always on time and I hate people who feel they are more important than me which is what is implied when you are late.
5. I don't play games. You can know whatever you want. Just ask. And don't expect me to be coy. I don't do coy. If I like you, you know. If I don't, you know.
If a man expressed his 5 to me, I would be mighty grateful. Nice to know where the potholes are so you can avoid them.
Basically all people have about 5 "dealbreakers" and if you let these out on the first date, you could avoid a lot of pitfalls. However, it is somehow uncouth to express these in plain words. I don't know why.
My 5 rules - and anyone who knows me understands these - are
1. DON'T ever shush me. I am loud. I don't care. DON'T shush me.
2. Do not comment on my height. I'm tall and that can't change so shut up about it and don't make me feel like a freak.
3. Don't insult my art. Musical theater is beautiful and complicated and it is the TRUE love of my life. You will never come before it so just respect it.
4. Don't make me wait. I don't wait. I'm always on time and I hate people who feel they are more important than me which is what is implied when you are late.
5. I don't play games. You can know whatever you want. Just ask. And don't expect me to be coy. I don't do coy. If I like you, you know. If I don't, you know.
If a man expressed his 5 to me, I would be mighty grateful. Nice to know where the potholes are so you can avoid them.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
What I know about MEN
Apparently, nothing. And it's strangely relieving.
I was having lunch with a dear friend the other day who is older and wiser than I, and for that reason I always seek her romantic advice. I was bitching about how awful men are and how miserable the dating scene can be and blah blah and she started giggling. She looked at me and said, "babe, you're 23. You don't know ANYTHING about men." Which is funny because that's exactly what I told my younger sister the other day. I was trying to explain exactly what was going to happen if she pursued this one man she's interested in and she was saying that I was wrong. But I've been down that path before so I KNOW what it looks like. I told her "hon, you're a freshman in college! You don't know ANYTHING about men."
And maybe none of us ever really will. But learning can be fun. It can be really miserable but it can be really fun.
I'm just glad that I have more to learn because what I know so far isn't super encouraging.
I was having lunch with a dear friend the other day who is older and wiser than I, and for that reason I always seek her romantic advice. I was bitching about how awful men are and how miserable the dating scene can be and blah blah and she started giggling. She looked at me and said, "babe, you're 23. You don't know ANYTHING about men." Which is funny because that's exactly what I told my younger sister the other day. I was trying to explain exactly what was going to happen if she pursued this one man she's interested in and she was saying that I was wrong. But I've been down that path before so I KNOW what it looks like. I told her "hon, you're a freshman in college! You don't know ANYTHING about men."
And maybe none of us ever really will. But learning can be fun. It can be really miserable but it can be really fun.
I'm just glad that I have more to learn because what I know so far isn't super encouraging.
Monday, December 28, 2009
whipped cream - NOT a dirty post
So when a girl is single in NYC (oh god how Carrie Bradshaw is that statement!), she learns very quickly that the tried and true cure to heartache - ice cream - must have a substitute. After all, too much ice cream will simply ensure that there won't be even the opportunity for heartache in the future. Very important to find a low-calorie alternative.
behold cool whip in a can!! 5 calories per serving (about 200 per can) and the same glutonous effect.
I have to admit: it's on my shopping list more weeks than not. Very sad. Also very yummy.
I will know when I have found someone worth loving when he removes all whipped cream cravings from me. Until then, I am considering buying stock - that way I can consider my indulgence an investment.
behold cool whip in a can!! 5 calories per serving (about 200 per can) and the same glutonous effect.
I have to admit: it's on my shopping list more weeks than not. Very sad. Also very yummy.
I will know when I have found someone worth loving when he removes all whipped cream cravings from me. Until then, I am considering buying stock - that way I can consider my indulgence an investment.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
and the WORST date award goes to...
so it's no secret I do the online dating thing; I mean, who doesn't? It serves up a really interesting bunch of people and some of the craziest experiences of my life. Very entertaining stuff. Also, if you read this blog, you know i have HARD SET rules about who I talk to and who I go out with. I developed these rules for a reason.
This week I broke them. And I realized how smart I am haha.
So this guy starts talking to me online. He seems GREAT! We have so much in common - I won't reveal too much about him because that would be cruel. But all of my crazy, strange interests are HIS too. One of my favorite books - which no one has ever heard of - is one of his. BUT...he has only one picture and it's blurry and ONLY of the face. Bad bad bad. But then he asked me to karaoke at my favorite place. Too much - can't resist - have to break the rules and go.
He shows up - omg. Cable knit sweater, icky haircut, Urkle glasses. AWFUL. We go inside. I'm kind of a VIP in this place so immediately the manager comes over and hugs me and all the regulars are greeting me. They immediately hand me the mic and ask what I wanna sing; the Boy looks at me with PANIC in his eyes. "can't we get a room? I can't sing in front of all these people." WHAT?! There are 10 people in the room. They're fun. They're my friends. But away we go to a secluded room by ourselves.
"ok, i have a lot to get off my chest. through song" He says. Then he sings UNCHAINED MELODY. Really. not lying. That was his first song. He didn't even let me go first and I paid for the room! And...well, he CANT sing. At all. And he "disguises" this by screaming words loudly. He's also dancing awkwardly....really awkwardly....
Then i get up to sing. My Alanis. My awesome girl rock. HE SINGS OVER ME! DURING MY SONG. He's literally out-screaming me. WTF?! I don't know how many of you sing karaoke but I'm very serious about it. And the NUMBER ONE rule is: you do NOT attempt to hijack another's singer's moment.
I quickly discover the only way to keep him from singing my songs is to sing obscure Broadway songs. So I do. And I don't give a shit. And he keeps choosing TERRIBLE songs and singing them badly. Meanwhile, I am knockin back shots of Sake like it's my job because it's the only way to keep going. And the sad thing is: I actually think HE thought it was going well because I was smiling so much (as I was holding back laughter). When the hour on our room was finally up (and I counted down every minute), he wanted to do ANOTHER hour and then get something to eat! I felt bad for the guy, but that's certainly no reason to continue a bad date.
So I got rid of him. And then JoBeth met me and we salvaged the evening by doing awesome karaoke at a different place hahaha.
This week I broke them. And I realized how smart I am haha.
So this guy starts talking to me online. He seems GREAT! We have so much in common - I won't reveal too much about him because that would be cruel. But all of my crazy, strange interests are HIS too. One of my favorite books - which no one has ever heard of - is one of his. BUT...he has only one picture and it's blurry and ONLY of the face. Bad bad bad. But then he asked me to karaoke at my favorite place. Too much - can't resist - have to break the rules and go.
He shows up - omg. Cable knit sweater, icky haircut, Urkle glasses. AWFUL. We go inside. I'm kind of a VIP in this place so immediately the manager comes over and hugs me and all the regulars are greeting me. They immediately hand me the mic and ask what I wanna sing; the Boy looks at me with PANIC in his eyes. "can't we get a room? I can't sing in front of all these people." WHAT?! There are 10 people in the room. They're fun. They're my friends. But away we go to a secluded room by ourselves.
"ok, i have a lot to get off my chest. through song" He says. Then he sings UNCHAINED MELODY. Really. not lying. That was his first song. He didn't even let me go first and I paid for the room! And...well, he CANT sing. At all. And he "disguises" this by screaming words loudly. He's also dancing awkwardly....really awkwardly....
Then i get up to sing. My Alanis. My awesome girl rock. HE SINGS OVER ME! DURING MY SONG. He's literally out-screaming me. WTF?! I don't know how many of you sing karaoke but I'm very serious about it. And the NUMBER ONE rule is: you do NOT attempt to hijack another's singer's moment.
I quickly discover the only way to keep him from singing my songs is to sing obscure Broadway songs. So I do. And I don't give a shit. And he keeps choosing TERRIBLE songs and singing them badly. Meanwhile, I am knockin back shots of Sake like it's my job because it's the only way to keep going. And the sad thing is: I actually think HE thought it was going well because I was smiling so much (as I was holding back laughter). When the hour on our room was finally up (and I counted down every minute), he wanted to do ANOTHER hour and then get something to eat! I felt bad for the guy, but that's certainly no reason to continue a bad date.
So I got rid of him. And then JoBeth met me and we salvaged the evening by doing awesome karaoke at a different place hahaha.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Strippers
So I saw Rock of Ages on Broadway for the second time the other night. As previously mentioned, I'm under a contractual obligation not to discuss my opinions on shows online. However, I think it's pretty obvious that if I went twice, I must have enjoyed it the first time. And that's all I will say about that.
Any show you watch a second time, you have more of an opportunity to muse about because you already know what's happening. So I got to thinking: most of the women in the cast spend the show scantily clad, dancing on stripper poles. They are "playing" strippers. But what, really, is the difference between an actress and a stripper?? Most strippers ARE looking for a "legit" career in the arts. And most women with a "legit" career in the arts really enjoy playing strippers. Why? Because somehow there's no shame in PLAYING a stripper, especially if you are "really" a Broadway actress.
The women on that stage dress in lingerie, strip, and pole dance. And they get a paycheck for it. How is that not the same as stripping? Is it because it serves a plotline? Because they sing also? Or just because we, as a society, choose to stigmatize certain occupations and glorify other ones?
I tend to think it's the latter.
And, honestly, I don't really have a PROBLEM with strippers. If that's what you want to do and it pays the bills, it's really not my problem. But it's a little effed up to be disrespected generally for that decision where the broadway strippers are idolized. I really don't see a difference between the two.
Any show you watch a second time, you have more of an opportunity to muse about because you already know what's happening. So I got to thinking: most of the women in the cast spend the show scantily clad, dancing on stripper poles. They are "playing" strippers. But what, really, is the difference between an actress and a stripper?? Most strippers ARE looking for a "legit" career in the arts. And most women with a "legit" career in the arts really enjoy playing strippers. Why? Because somehow there's no shame in PLAYING a stripper, especially if you are "really" a Broadway actress.
The women on that stage dress in lingerie, strip, and pole dance. And they get a paycheck for it. How is that not the same as stripping? Is it because it serves a plotline? Because they sing also? Or just because we, as a society, choose to stigmatize certain occupations and glorify other ones?
I tend to think it's the latter.
And, honestly, I don't really have a PROBLEM with strippers. If that's what you want to do and it pays the bills, it's really not my problem. But it's a little effed up to be disrespected generally for that decision where the broadway strippers are idolized. I really don't see a difference between the two.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
therapy doesn't work
so i'm paying out of my ass for all this therapy to make myself a more...i dunno...happy? person.
it's not working.
See, I get to this place where I can notice all this repeating destructive patterns in my life, only I'm not STOPPING them. I keep doing the same stupid thing over and over. The difference now is that i can see how it's the same mistake again. So in addition to feeling shitty, I also feel STUPID.
that's all therapy really does.
i think it's better to be ignorant about your own behavior. yup. just DO it and don't think about it and you will be fine. All this "enlightenment" bullshit is a waste of time.
it's not working.
See, I get to this place where I can notice all this repeating destructive patterns in my life, only I'm not STOPPING them. I keep doing the same stupid thing over and over. The difference now is that i can see how it's the same mistake again. So in addition to feeling shitty, I also feel STUPID.
that's all therapy really does.
i think it's better to be ignorant about your own behavior. yup. just DO it and don't think about it and you will be fine. All this "enlightenment" bullshit is a waste of time.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tarheel Born, Tarheel Bred
So I'm back in NC this weekend, staying in a college apartment, walking around campus, hanging out at my college theater....and feeling very OLD.
I feel like my face wrinkles with every step I take on that campus, no matter how relaxed I am attempting to make it look. I half expect there to be a forcefield around the campus perimeter that keeps me out every time I try to get through. Forcefield says "Nope, sorry, you've moved on so DONT COME BACK"
I know I'm being silly. I don't actually think I look any different than I did as a freshman. And I used to make fun of my friends who had graduated and then complained about how "old" they were. They seemed young enough to me. To me, it seemed as if nothing were really different. But they felt it. And now I do too.
This whole town is so familiar, yet so far away. My body knows the paths and the sights so well, I don't even have to look. But when I do, I notice small subtle changes that break my heart. The world is changing without my noticing because I"M NOT HERE.
And I don't want to be, obviously. I love NYC and I'm doing great there. It took a long time for it to feel like home and I'm not leaving anytime soon. But as Reese Witherspoon said in that movies, "I come down here, and this fits too." Only it fits like something that was in the dryer too long. It's the same sweater as always, on the same body as always, but it's just a little more uncomfortable than the last time i put it on.
and that's NC to me.
I feel like my face wrinkles with every step I take on that campus, no matter how relaxed I am attempting to make it look. I half expect there to be a forcefield around the campus perimeter that keeps me out every time I try to get through. Forcefield says "Nope, sorry, you've moved on so DONT COME BACK"
I know I'm being silly. I don't actually think I look any different than I did as a freshman. And I used to make fun of my friends who had graduated and then complained about how "old" they were. They seemed young enough to me. To me, it seemed as if nothing were really different. But they felt it. And now I do too.
This whole town is so familiar, yet so far away. My body knows the paths and the sights so well, I don't even have to look. But when I do, I notice small subtle changes that break my heart. The world is changing without my noticing because I"M NOT HERE.
And I don't want to be, obviously. I love NYC and I'm doing great there. It took a long time for it to feel like home and I'm not leaving anytime soon. But as Reese Witherspoon said in that movies, "I come down here, and this fits too." Only it fits like something that was in the dryer too long. It's the same sweater as always, on the same body as always, but it's just a little more uncomfortable than the last time i put it on.
and that's NC to me.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
MAD
I'm mad that men think it's ok to wake a woman from her sleep by beating her mercilessly
I'm mad that everyone comments about how "deserving" a woman is of a beating, even if they are saying she is UNdeserving. Any comment about MERIT is a step in the wrong direction.
I'm mad that love fucks with our heads so much we cannot even protect ourselves from its harmful side effects
I'm mad that the "rescuers" of an abused woman are big, burly, rude men with guns that we call cops.
I'm mad that economics contributes to violence.
I'm mad that ANYONE is concerned about keeping violence quiet at the risk of "worrying" other people. No one should EVER be silent about violence.
I'm mad that injuries are kept hidden under turtlenecks and sleeves and excuses when the whole world SHOULD be forced to witness what happens on a daily basis to women around the world.
I'm mad that women are brought up believing any attack was provoked by their bad behavior
I'm mad that men who don't beat women call men who do COWARDS instead of criminals. Coward is only an insult that belittles a man's masculinity, the assertion of which was the problem to begin with.
I'm mad that I can't take all survivors of abuse/rape/oppression to an island free from such things where we can heal and grow and love and trust
EVERY DAY that we see a woman beaten or raped is a day we FAIL as a human race. Which means that we have not succeeded ONE day of our existence as a species.
And that makes me MAD.
I'm mad that everyone comments about how "deserving" a woman is of a beating, even if they are saying she is UNdeserving. Any comment about MERIT is a step in the wrong direction.
I'm mad that love fucks with our heads so much we cannot even protect ourselves from its harmful side effects
I'm mad that the "rescuers" of an abused woman are big, burly, rude men with guns that we call cops.
I'm mad that economics contributes to violence.
I'm mad that ANYONE is concerned about keeping violence quiet at the risk of "worrying" other people. No one should EVER be silent about violence.
I'm mad that injuries are kept hidden under turtlenecks and sleeves and excuses when the whole world SHOULD be forced to witness what happens on a daily basis to women around the world.
I'm mad that women are brought up believing any attack was provoked by their bad behavior
I'm mad that men who don't beat women call men who do COWARDS instead of criminals. Coward is only an insult that belittles a man's masculinity, the assertion of which was the problem to begin with.
I'm mad that I can't take all survivors of abuse/rape/oppression to an island free from such things where we can heal and grow and love and trust
EVERY DAY that we see a woman beaten or raped is a day we FAIL as a human race. Which means that we have not succeeded ONE day of our existence as a species.
And that makes me MAD.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
about STRAWS
So this is a New York thing...well, maybe it's more broad than that, but it's CERTAINLY not a NC thing and that's my comparison.
Every time I buy a bottle or can of some drink, I am given a straw. It used to be that I didn't take much notice but I mentioned it to someone at work and she was AMAZED that I would question such a thing. She explained that one day, her husband caught her drinking straight from a can and he smacked the can out of her hand.
Everyone agreed that I was the weird one for NOT using a straw with a can. As they see it, there are countless germs on the top of a can of soda. If you put your mouth on these germs, you are crazy. That's what the straw is for.
Ok, I'm with you. BUT...did you ever realize that the germs you are so scared of are on the tab of the drink...the tab that you push INTO the drink?
Additionally, let's be real about something: there are germs ALL over the can. Not just on the lip. And your HAND is on that can. Do you wash your hands right after touching the can? The money you paid for the can with? Money is horribly dirty. So is that can (at least according to you). And all those germs are on your hands. Now what? You rub your eyes. Eat some french fries. Bite your fingernails.
People only really wash their hands after using the bathroom. SOMETIMES before they eat. But honestly, even people who wash their hands before they eat actually only wash them before a MEAL. And meals are generally eaten with utensils. Nobody washes their hands before snacking and snacking is usually done with hands.
I'm not suggesting we all bathe in germs, but let's have a little perspective. The straw is NOT doing anything. And for that matter, neither does RINSING fruit. I will never understand why people rinse fruit under water for 10 seconds before eating it. It does NOTHING. I promise.
Every time I buy a bottle or can of some drink, I am given a straw. It used to be that I didn't take much notice but I mentioned it to someone at work and she was AMAZED that I would question such a thing. She explained that one day, her husband caught her drinking straight from a can and he smacked the can out of her hand.
Everyone agreed that I was the weird one for NOT using a straw with a can. As they see it, there are countless germs on the top of a can of soda. If you put your mouth on these germs, you are crazy. That's what the straw is for.
Ok, I'm with you. BUT...did you ever realize that the germs you are so scared of are on the tab of the drink...the tab that you push INTO the drink?
Additionally, let's be real about something: there are germs ALL over the can. Not just on the lip. And your HAND is on that can. Do you wash your hands right after touching the can? The money you paid for the can with? Money is horribly dirty. So is that can (at least according to you). And all those germs are on your hands. Now what? You rub your eyes. Eat some french fries. Bite your fingernails.
People only really wash their hands after using the bathroom. SOMETIMES before they eat. But honestly, even people who wash their hands before they eat actually only wash them before a MEAL. And meals are generally eaten with utensils. Nobody washes their hands before snacking and snacking is usually done with hands.
I'm not suggesting we all bathe in germs, but let's have a little perspective. The straw is NOT doing anything. And for that matter, neither does RINSING fruit. I will never understand why people rinse fruit under water for 10 seconds before eating it. It does NOTHING. I promise.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
dating by TYPE
So everyone has a type, right? Physical stuff aside, we are all of us attracted (generally) to one type of person. Does that mean we are destined to date the same man over and over again? In my experience, yes.
A friend of mine recently started seeing someone she is surprised by, to say the least. He is not her type. At all. She is enamored by him, but totally out of her comfort zone and constantly wishing he were more like what she's used to. Does this make sense? I mean, all people are comfortable with the familiar but obviously there was something wrong with that "type" or he would have worked out the first time.
This is what I'm working on with my therapist. All of my relationships are shockingly similar. Now, if you line these men up, you would not necessarily see the similarities. The looks are different enough, though there are some similarities across the board. The personalities are seemingly different, though not underneath. If you lined the relationships up against each other, you would see NO difference. Same situation, over and over again.
Damn.
A friend of mine recently started seeing someone she is surprised by, to say the least. He is not her type. At all. She is enamored by him, but totally out of her comfort zone and constantly wishing he were more like what she's used to. Does this make sense? I mean, all people are comfortable with the familiar but obviously there was something wrong with that "type" or he would have worked out the first time.
This is what I'm working on with my therapist. All of my relationships are shockingly similar. Now, if you line these men up, you would not necessarily see the similarities. The looks are different enough, though there are some similarities across the board. The personalities are seemingly different, though not underneath. If you lined the relationships up against each other, you would see NO difference. Same situation, over and over again.
Damn.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
the Date that wasn't
So tonight I had a date. Or I was supposed to have a date. Great guy - short but talented and we all know talent trumps tallness. I worked all day until 10pm and we were going to meet in Union Square at 10:15. I was early (as always). Standing on a corner. No guy. No text. No call. and NO, I was most certainly not stood up. But at 10:25 I texted him and said 'you're late. im tired. im leaving.' And I did. See, here's the thing about lateness: it is ALWAYS a choice. Always. If Ed McMahon had called him up and said "guy, I have a million dollar check waiting for you in Union Square. There's a catch. If you aren't here by 10:15pm, you don't get the million dollars" do you think he would have been late? NO. He would have been 2 hours early.
And I'm not saying I'm worth a million dollars. I'm not. Probably. The point is, there are a lot of things that can go in that blank and still work. A number of things in this world are VERY much worth being on time for. What you are saying to me if you are late is that I am not one of those things. I am not worth being on time for. And if I am not worth being on time for, YOU are not worth waiting for. Doesn't that seem fair?
But the world does not agree. Somehow, you are seen as being a bitch if you don't wait for someone. Yeah, he drove into the city from NJ. I don't care. I worked a 10 hour shift. He got lost. I don't care. He should have been more responsible. If the million dollars was waiting, he wouldn't have gotten lost. OR he would have left enough time for getting lost (or stuck in traffic or whatever).
Additionally, in this era of technology, WHY on earth would you not call/text someone if you are going to be even 1 minute late? Seems easy enough.
Here's the other thing about TIME that some people do not understand. There is really no such thing as being on time. ON time exists only for 1 second. All the seconds before zero hour (let's say 10:15:00pm) are "early" and all the seconds after are "late." SO you should never strive to be ON TIME because it's nearly impossible to fit inside that one second window. That means your choices are EARLY or LATE.
Fuck the excuses. Traffic, trains, alarms not going off......if it was important enough, YOU WOULD BE ON TIME.
And I should be important enough.
Oh, and just to be clear: He called me at 10:50pm and said "I'm here. Where are you?" He totally expected me to wait on a NYC street corner for 35 minutes. WTF. NO!!!!!
And I'm not saying I'm worth a million dollars. I'm not. Probably. The point is, there are a lot of things that can go in that blank and still work. A number of things in this world are VERY much worth being on time for. What you are saying to me if you are late is that I am not one of those things. I am not worth being on time for. And if I am not worth being on time for, YOU are not worth waiting for. Doesn't that seem fair?
But the world does not agree. Somehow, you are seen as being a bitch if you don't wait for someone. Yeah, he drove into the city from NJ. I don't care. I worked a 10 hour shift. He got lost. I don't care. He should have been more responsible. If the million dollars was waiting, he wouldn't have gotten lost. OR he would have left enough time for getting lost (or stuck in traffic or whatever).
Additionally, in this era of technology, WHY on earth would you not call/text someone if you are going to be even 1 minute late? Seems easy enough.
Here's the other thing about TIME that some people do not understand. There is really no such thing as being on time. ON time exists only for 1 second. All the seconds before zero hour (let's say 10:15:00pm) are "early" and all the seconds after are "late." SO you should never strive to be ON TIME because it's nearly impossible to fit inside that one second window. That means your choices are EARLY or LATE.
Fuck the excuses. Traffic, trains, alarms not going off......if it was important enough, YOU WOULD BE ON TIME.
And I should be important enough.
Oh, and just to be clear: He called me at 10:50pm and said "I'm here. Where are you?" He totally expected me to wait on a NYC street corner for 35 minutes. WTF. NO!!!!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
stop fucking with my home
Ok so I have to say this whole NYC dating thing is getting annoying. I never had this problem in NC, but maybe that's because I lived mostly in dorm rooms.
WHY do men think that "make yourself at home" means it literally?? And for the record, I've never ACTUALLY said that phrase to anyone because the truth is that I don't WANT people to make themselves at home in my home. It's MY home. You see?
So if you're into energy conservation, great. Turn all your appliances off in YOUR home. Don't run around MY home turning off my fan (which i have to leave on because otherwise my apt gets way too hot and stuffy) or my lamp (which i have to leave on cuz otherwise my cats sleep all day and stay up all night. bad for me).
If you like to put your feet up on your couch, FINE. But see, in MY house when we are sitting on MY couch, there isn't room for your feet. And that DOESN'T mean they belong on my lap. FUCK NO.
If there is a special show you watch at 11pm each night, awesome. Watch it in YOUR house. In my house, we watch Daily Show at 11pm. DO NOT take my fucking remote. You will lose a hand. And probably your testicles.
And if you like to sleep until 2pm, by all means, stay in YOUR bed until 2pm. In my life, I never have the opportunity to sleep past 10am, so guess what? Your ass is leaving by 10am. And PLEASE don't act like a child when I wake you up. You could have left last night. I, personally, would have preferred that. You wanna stay the night? Play by my rules!
OHH, and one more thing: the temperature in my apartment, insomuch as i CAN control it, will be what makes ME comfortable. You are the guest. YOU adjust.
all of this probably explains why I am currently single, but truthfully I'd MUCH rather be single than constantly compromising with a douchebag who really has no right to stake claims on my space.
WHY do men think that "make yourself at home" means it literally?? And for the record, I've never ACTUALLY said that phrase to anyone because the truth is that I don't WANT people to make themselves at home in my home. It's MY home. You see?
So if you're into energy conservation, great. Turn all your appliances off in YOUR home. Don't run around MY home turning off my fan (which i have to leave on because otherwise my apt gets way too hot and stuffy) or my lamp (which i have to leave on cuz otherwise my cats sleep all day and stay up all night. bad for me).
If you like to put your feet up on your couch, FINE. But see, in MY house when we are sitting on MY couch, there isn't room for your feet. And that DOESN'T mean they belong on my lap. FUCK NO.
If there is a special show you watch at 11pm each night, awesome. Watch it in YOUR house. In my house, we watch Daily Show at 11pm. DO NOT take my fucking remote. You will lose a hand. And probably your testicles.
And if you like to sleep until 2pm, by all means, stay in YOUR bed until 2pm. In my life, I never have the opportunity to sleep past 10am, so guess what? Your ass is leaving by 10am. And PLEASE don't act like a child when I wake you up. You could have left last night. I, personally, would have preferred that. You wanna stay the night? Play by my rules!
OHH, and one more thing: the temperature in my apartment, insomuch as i CAN control it, will be what makes ME comfortable. You are the guest. YOU adjust.
all of this probably explains why I am currently single, but truthfully I'd MUCH rather be single than constantly compromising with a douchebag who really has no right to stake claims on my space.
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