Pick up lines

We all know the dumb ones "I lost my number, can I have yours?" and "Are you tired? Cuz you've been running through my mind all day" and etc. I don't know if people really use these. I've never heard very many used sincerely, that's for sure. However, the one that continues to be used, though it is no better than the others is "Do you like to party?"



Now, when I was 18, I think it bordered on acceptable to ask me that. I mean - it's never the best thing to say. Certainly long, meaningful relationships don't begin with the phrase 'do ya like to party?' but nevertheless, there is a time, an age, and a place where such a saying can be spoken.



But beyond that awkward party-all-the-time-to-prove-I'm-an-adult phase, that line is just purely insulting. The other night, a semi-cute semi-smart man that I was semi-interested in said that to me. Me who is 23. Me who is 3 months shy of having a master's degree. Maybe I'm being self-important but COME ON! I am worth so much more than that phrase. DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY? Really, dude, really??



And then, to add insult to injury, he followed that line with "we should chill later." WHO ARE YOU? What world are you living in that a woman would actually decide based on these phrases to spend quality time with you? Is it really so hard to say "I know this fabulous little Italian place. I would love to take you there for dinner sometime if you happen to be free."



You wouldn't walk into a job interview and say "yo, how bout hirin' me?" And you DON'T ask a potential date to "chill." At least, not if that potential date is ME.

the dating 5

So I have long believed that everyone's best friend should get together with the person they have started dating and explain the "rules" about dating that person. Because who knows better than your best friend?

Basically all people have about 5 "dealbreakers" and if you let these out on the first date, you could avoid a lot of pitfalls. However, it is somehow uncouth to express these in plain words. I don't know why.

My 5 rules - and anyone who knows me understands these - are
1. DON'T ever shush me. I am loud. I don't care. DON'T shush me.
2. Do not comment on my height. I'm tall and that can't change so shut up about it and don't make me feel like a freak.
3. Don't insult my art. Musical theater is beautiful and complicated and it is the TRUE love of my life. You will never come before it so just respect it.
4. Don't make me wait. I don't wait. I'm always on time and I hate people who feel they are more important than me which is what is implied when you are late.
5. I don't play games. You can know whatever you want. Just ask. And don't expect me to be coy. I don't do coy. If I like you, you know. If I don't, you know.

If a man expressed his 5 to me, I would be mighty grateful. Nice to know where the potholes are so you can avoid them.

What I know about MEN

Apparently, nothing. And it's strangely relieving.

I was having lunch with a dear friend the other day who is older and wiser than I, and for that reason I always seek her romantic advice. I was bitching about how awful men are and how miserable the dating scene can be and blah blah and she started giggling. She looked at me and said, "babe, you're 23. You don't know ANYTHING about men." Which is funny because that's exactly what I told my younger sister the other day. I was trying to explain exactly what was going to happen if she pursued this one man she's interested in and she was saying that I was wrong. But I've been down that path before so I KNOW what it looks like. I told her "hon, you're a freshman in college! You don't know ANYTHING about men."

And maybe none of us ever really will. But learning can be fun. It can be really miserable but it can be really fun.

I'm just glad that I have more to learn because what I know so far isn't super encouraging.