So when a girl is single in NYC (oh god how Carrie Bradshaw is that statement!), she learns very quickly that the tried and true cure to heartache - ice cream - must have a substitute. After all, too much ice cream will simply ensure that there won't be even the opportunity for heartache in the future. Very important to find a low-calorie alternative.
behold cool whip in a can!! 5 calories per serving (about 200 per can) and the same glutonous effect.
I have to admit: it's on my shopping list more weeks than not. Very sad. Also very yummy.
I will know when I have found someone worth loving when he removes all whipped cream cravings from me. Until then, I am considering buying stock - that way I can consider my indulgence an investment.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
and the WORST date award goes to...
so it's no secret I do the online dating thing; I mean, who doesn't? It serves up a really interesting bunch of people and some of the craziest experiences of my life. Very entertaining stuff. Also, if you read this blog, you know i have HARD SET rules about who I talk to and who I go out with. I developed these rules for a reason.
This week I broke them. And I realized how smart I am haha.
So this guy starts talking to me online. He seems GREAT! We have so much in common - I won't reveal too much about him because that would be cruel. But all of my crazy, strange interests are HIS too. One of my favorite books - which no one has ever heard of - is one of his. BUT...he has only one picture and it's blurry and ONLY of the face. Bad bad bad. But then he asked me to karaoke at my favorite place. Too much - can't resist - have to break the rules and go.
He shows up - omg. Cable knit sweater, icky haircut, Urkle glasses. AWFUL. We go inside. I'm kind of a VIP in this place so immediately the manager comes over and hugs me and all the regulars are greeting me. They immediately hand me the mic and ask what I wanna sing; the Boy looks at me with PANIC in his eyes. "can't we get a room? I can't sing in front of all these people." WHAT?! There are 10 people in the room. They're fun. They're my friends. But away we go to a secluded room by ourselves.
"ok, i have a lot to get off my chest. through song" He says. Then he sings UNCHAINED MELODY. Really. not lying. That was his first song. He didn't even let me go first and I paid for the room! And...well, he CANT sing. At all. And he "disguises" this by screaming words loudly. He's also dancing awkwardly....really awkwardly....
Then i get up to sing. My Alanis. My awesome girl rock. HE SINGS OVER ME! DURING MY SONG. He's literally out-screaming me. WTF?! I don't know how many of you sing karaoke but I'm very serious about it. And the NUMBER ONE rule is: you do NOT attempt to hijack another's singer's moment.
I quickly discover the only way to keep him from singing my songs is to sing obscure Broadway songs. So I do. And I don't give a shit. And he keeps choosing TERRIBLE songs and singing them badly. Meanwhile, I am knockin back shots of Sake like it's my job because it's the only way to keep going. And the sad thing is: I actually think HE thought it was going well because I was smiling so much (as I was holding back laughter). When the hour on our room was finally up (and I counted down every minute), he wanted to do ANOTHER hour and then get something to eat! I felt bad for the guy, but that's certainly no reason to continue a bad date.
So I got rid of him. And then JoBeth met me and we salvaged the evening by doing awesome karaoke at a different place hahaha.
This week I broke them. And I realized how smart I am haha.
So this guy starts talking to me online. He seems GREAT! We have so much in common - I won't reveal too much about him because that would be cruel. But all of my crazy, strange interests are HIS too. One of my favorite books - which no one has ever heard of - is one of his. BUT...he has only one picture and it's blurry and ONLY of the face. Bad bad bad. But then he asked me to karaoke at my favorite place. Too much - can't resist - have to break the rules and go.
He shows up - omg. Cable knit sweater, icky haircut, Urkle glasses. AWFUL. We go inside. I'm kind of a VIP in this place so immediately the manager comes over and hugs me and all the regulars are greeting me. They immediately hand me the mic and ask what I wanna sing; the Boy looks at me with PANIC in his eyes. "can't we get a room? I can't sing in front of all these people." WHAT?! There are 10 people in the room. They're fun. They're my friends. But away we go to a secluded room by ourselves.
"ok, i have a lot to get off my chest. through song" He says. Then he sings UNCHAINED MELODY. Really. not lying. That was his first song. He didn't even let me go first and I paid for the room! And...well, he CANT sing. At all. And he "disguises" this by screaming words loudly. He's also dancing awkwardly....really awkwardly....
Then i get up to sing. My Alanis. My awesome girl rock. HE SINGS OVER ME! DURING MY SONG. He's literally out-screaming me. WTF?! I don't know how many of you sing karaoke but I'm very serious about it. And the NUMBER ONE rule is: you do NOT attempt to hijack another's singer's moment.
I quickly discover the only way to keep him from singing my songs is to sing obscure Broadway songs. So I do. And I don't give a shit. And he keeps choosing TERRIBLE songs and singing them badly. Meanwhile, I am knockin back shots of Sake like it's my job because it's the only way to keep going. And the sad thing is: I actually think HE thought it was going well because I was smiling so much (as I was holding back laughter). When the hour on our room was finally up (and I counted down every minute), he wanted to do ANOTHER hour and then get something to eat! I felt bad for the guy, but that's certainly no reason to continue a bad date.
So I got rid of him. And then JoBeth met me and we salvaged the evening by doing awesome karaoke at a different place hahaha.
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