MAD

I'm mad that men think it's ok to wake a woman from her sleep by beating her mercilessly

I'm mad that everyone comments about how "deserving" a woman is of a beating, even if they are saying she is UNdeserving. Any comment about MERIT is a step in the wrong direction.

I'm mad that love fucks with our heads so much we cannot even protect ourselves from its harmful side effects

I'm mad that the "rescuers" of an abused woman are big, burly, rude men with guns that we call cops.

I'm mad that economics contributes to violence.

I'm mad that ANYONE is concerned about keeping violence quiet at the risk of "worrying" other people. No one should EVER be silent about violence.

I'm mad that injuries are kept hidden under turtlenecks and sleeves and excuses when the whole world SHOULD be forced to witness what happens on a daily basis to women around the world.

I'm mad that women are brought up believing any attack was provoked by their bad behavior

I'm mad that men who don't beat women call men who do COWARDS instead of criminals. Coward is only an insult that belittles a man's masculinity, the assertion of which was the problem to begin with.

I'm mad that I can't take all survivors of abuse/rape/oppression to an island free from such things where we can heal and grow and love and trust



EVERY DAY that we see a woman beaten or raped is a day we FAIL as a human race. Which means that we have not succeeded ONE day of our existence as a species.
And that makes me MAD.

about STRAWS

So this is a New York thing...well, maybe it's more broad than that, but it's CERTAINLY not a NC thing and that's my comparison.

Every time I buy a bottle or can of some drink, I am given a straw. It used to be that I didn't take much notice but I mentioned it to someone at work and she was AMAZED that I would question such a thing. She explained that one day, her husband caught her drinking straight from a can and he smacked the can out of her hand.

Everyone agreed that I was the weird one for NOT using a straw with a can. As they see it, there are countless germs on the top of a can of soda. If you put your mouth on these germs, you are crazy. That's what the straw is for.

Ok, I'm with you. BUT...did you ever realize that the germs you are so scared of are on the tab of the drink...the tab that you push INTO the drink?

Additionally, let's be real about something: there are germs ALL over the can. Not just on the lip. And your HAND is on that can. Do you wash your hands right after touching the can? The money you paid for the can with? Money is horribly dirty. So is that can (at least according to you). And all those germs are on your hands. Now what? You rub your eyes. Eat some french fries. Bite your fingernails.

People only really wash their hands after using the bathroom. SOMETIMES before they eat. But honestly, even people who wash their hands before they eat actually only wash them before a MEAL. And meals are generally eaten with utensils. Nobody washes their hands before snacking and snacking is usually done with hands.

I'm not suggesting we all bathe in germs, but let's have a little perspective. The straw is NOT doing anything. And for that matter, neither does RINSING fruit. I will never understand why people rinse fruit under water for 10 seconds before eating it. It does NOTHING. I promise.

dating by TYPE

So everyone has a type, right? Physical stuff aside, we are all of us attracted (generally) to one type of person. Does that mean we are destined to date the same man over and over again? In my experience, yes.

A friend of mine recently started seeing someone she is surprised by, to say the least. He is not her type. At all. She is enamored by him, but totally out of her comfort zone and constantly wishing he were more like what she's used to. Does this make sense? I mean, all people are comfortable with the familiar but obviously there was something wrong with that "type" or he would have worked out the first time.

This is what I'm working on with my therapist. All of my relationships are shockingly similar. Now, if you line these men up, you would not necessarily see the similarities. The looks are different enough, though there are some similarities across the board. The personalities are seemingly different, though not underneath. If you lined the relationships up against each other, you would see NO difference. Same situation, over and over again.

Damn.

the Date that wasn't

So tonight I had a date. Or I was supposed to have a date. Great guy - short but talented and we all know talent trumps tallness. I worked all day until 10pm and we were going to meet in Union Square at 10:15. I was early (as always). Standing on a corner. No guy. No text. No call. and NO, I was most certainly not stood up. But at 10:25 I texted him and said 'you're late. im tired. im leaving.' And I did. See, here's the thing about lateness: it is ALWAYS a choice. Always. If Ed McMahon had called him up and said "guy, I have a million dollar check waiting for you in Union Square. There's a catch. If you aren't here by 10:15pm, you don't get the million dollars" do you think he would have been late? NO. He would have been 2 hours early.

And I'm not saying I'm worth a million dollars. I'm not. Probably. The point is, there are a lot of things that can go in that blank and still work. A number of things in this world are VERY much worth being on time for. What you are saying to me if you are late is that I am not one of those things. I am not worth being on time for. And if I am not worth being on time for, YOU are not worth waiting for. Doesn't that seem fair?

But the world does not agree. Somehow, you are seen as being a bitch if you don't wait for someone. Yeah, he drove into the city from NJ. I don't care. I worked a 10 hour shift. He got lost. I don't care. He should have been more responsible. If the million dollars was waiting, he wouldn't have gotten lost. OR he would have left enough time for getting lost (or stuck in traffic or whatever).

Additionally, in this era of technology, WHY on earth would you not call/text someone if you are going to be even 1 minute late? Seems easy enough.

Here's the other thing about TIME that some people do not understand. There is really no such thing as being on time. ON time exists only for 1 second. All the seconds before zero hour (let's say 10:15:00pm) are "early" and all the seconds after are "late." SO you should never strive to be ON TIME because it's nearly impossible to fit inside that one second window. That means your choices are EARLY or LATE.

Fuck the excuses. Traffic, trains, alarms not going off......if it was important enough, YOU WOULD BE ON TIME.

And I should be important enough.

Oh, and just to be clear: He called me at 10:50pm and said "I'm here. Where are you?" He totally expected me to wait on a NYC street corner for 35 minutes. WTF. NO!!!!!